Out again

Well Im out again this month I just before my period even shows her ugly face. But at this point I dont care . Ive been pregnant twice and lost both before an ultrasound. What a cruel way this life is. I know crackheads that had babies back to back 😂😂 and Here I am a nurse and cant even get my prayer answered. I guess that it is just not for me. The pain and anger I have is unbearable. So I have simply given up. I will no longer drive myself mad about this bs ttc. Why drunks drug addicts can have 10 kids ☹️💁🏾‍♀️ but oh well baby dust to everyone else this just is not in the stars for me. And no matter how good of life I might have it will all be in vain I will be empty. Because of this failed attempt this failed prayer. But one day Ill be able to adjust. If not who cares anyway💁🏾‍♀️ Ill just keep breathing until the day Im under ground.