My bf was talking about how his friend needs to start talking to ppl again and get himself out there in dating. He was dying how he tried to hook him back up with his old old ex and the friend was saying how she’s too wild. And my bf was like “that what you want though” or something along the lines of “trust me that’s a good thing” this isn’t verbatim but it was obviously that he thought of his exes as wild and that it was better that way.

And he kinda cut short when he was telling me this cuz. Weirdly enough we had just been joking about how I’m not that exciting of a person. Like he was saying “oh no ur just the right amount of exciting” and I was joking saying that that’s an awful way of saying I’m just boring. And this was all in good fun.

But then it really hit me. He thinks I’m not exciting. Not wild.

I asked him what wild even means to him and he said unpredictable.

He tried to make me feel better by saying he loves me and doesn’t want me to change and how we’ve been together this long so it’s obviously not something that’s a problem.

Still hurts a lot though. Who says it won’t be a problem in the future. And I HATE comparing myself to his exes. But somehow it always happens. ALWAYS. Is that a me thing and just being insecure. Yeah. Pretty much. I just dont know how to be more exciting. I don’t know how. I have 0 social life outside my bf. I have no real hobbies. I’ve tried to find some. Still am. I just haven’t found one yet.

I just feel so shit. Like he’s at work today and I don’t have school. He asks what I’m up to and it’s always the same shit. Working on school, at the gym, chilling out, playing with my dog

Nothing new. I don’t know how I’m going to get over this. I just cannot get over how shit this made me feel. He didn’t even mean for it to. And he feels bad. But just because it was an accidental slip, doesn’t mean he doesn’t believe it