So for the past few months I have been contemplating leaving my partner, but I am so unsure of it.

We've been high school sweethearts and we now have a son together. Our son is a blessing but our relationship has been nothing but hurting since he was born.

I expect too much and I know this. I've worked on this since he brought it to my attention.

I feel a lot of resentment towards him. I did/do all night feedings by myself. I'm the default parent. I spent a full year with my son and I'm finally back to work and he's in daycare. He has paid the bills and I manage the finances of how money is spent because of his bad habits. So I feel that I should be grateful he did that, but I feel guilty for even being mad at him.

Mad at him for leaving me alone during the early weeks and night time feedings. Mad at him for never picking up house work unless I explicitly ask him to do so. Mad at him for his inconsistencies of house chores and our relationship all together. I get mad him when he gets sick and he called me out on this saying I made him feel unsafe and alone because God forbid for him to get sick. He told me to fuck myself and that he's sick of me.

I apologized for making him feel that way and that it was never my intention. I just find it hard to care!!! I find it hard because he always gets "sick" in the most awful times when I needed him thr most with the kid. It honestly feels he just wants to get out of stuff.

Just now I picked up our son from daycare and I found him sleeping on the couch cause he was having a come down from being high on weed.

He smokes weed before work and apparently now after work and when oir son goes to bed.

I dismissed him to the room since I don't want our son to see him like this.

But he LIED to my face saying he was "sick".

I've begged him for MONTHS to cut the weed. But he doesn't respect me nor my boundaries.

If I do leave him, I have no idea where to go because my son is coming with me. I have no friends in town and my family lives abroad. I feel STUCK.

UGHHHH.

I don't know what to do.