Am I an awful person?
So I just recently found out that I’m pregnant. I have the most amazing boyfriend, we’ve been together for over 6 years, we live together, he proposed a few months ago and we have the most adorable doggo! I love them both to bits & can’t imagine my life without them. We always knew we wanted children and started talking more seriously about it earlier this year but the timing wasn’t right as he lost his job but then he ended up getting the best job in the summer which he loves & is good money too so we’re so so lucky to have all this. After he proposed we figured it was the right time to start trying and just thought we’ll have unprotected sex when we feel like it but not get too into it. After the first month of this, I got my period & I felt like crap and started doing research and became a little obsessive over it tbh and we tried properly, got my period and felt really down so bought ovulation tests and my god it worked. 3rd month and I’m pregnant. I started getting symptoms extremely early, bought a pregnant test and took it 8dpo. I thought it was negative at first & felt super sad but then noticed a really faint line and we both got so excited! I took one yesterday at 10dpo and it was definitely positive. My partner was immediately excited and over the moon but I’m not? I thought maybe I’m just in shock but as the day when on I felt worse and ended up having a full on panic attack last night & cried. I feel so guilty for feeling like this because this is what we wanted and why the hell am I not excited like he is? I’m so lucky to be in this position and so many women are tying to get pregnant, I feel awful. I used to get so excited thinking about having a family & now I feel scared and completely overwhelmed. I suffer from anxiety anyway & never deal with change well so maybe I just need more time. Even after my partner proposed I was over the moon but felt super anxious the following week as it felt like a massive thing. My partner is being super supportive but other than him I have absolutely nobody to talk to. I think I really stressed myself out by immediately doing loads of research in pregnancy and babies as I feel clueless and stressed and then that made me feel worse. I’m 23 and we’re in the best situation so why do I feel like this? I’m so sorry if I’ve offended anyone.