But have you ever been asleep and wake up to being hit. “YOU’RE A CRAZY PSYCHOTIC BITCH” then when you ask what you did he tells you to go sleep on the couch because your elbow was in his ribs.. I honestly had no intention on doing that I was asleep and unaware but I’m being yelled at for it. My two year old starts crying. I get her back to sleep. Then my 5 month old throws up, I move to inch to the top of the bed where her pack n play rest to grab a burp cloth and help her. I then get hit and kicked again. Still being called a bitch and being told how I just never stop and to go sleep on the couch.. I then replied I’m not leaving my kids in here to someone hitting me to sleep on the couch and it’s not fair for them to have to. He continues to call me names that I try to ignore.My 2 year old starting to wake up again, I hold her close. Then BAM. He slams his pillow across our faces. My daughter is crying and screaming. I’m holding her calming her down as i fight back my own tears. She’s still a baby. After I get her back to sleep my throat was so dry after holding back my tears to wipe my two year olds dry. I get up to get water and he snatches it from me, it goes everywhere as he proceeded to throw it on the floor yelling that that is his water and I don’t need any to go buy my own, he bought that and takes it to work.. during this my daughter wakes back up and comes running, tears down her face, screaming.She’s in the process of being diagnosed for autism. She doesn’t like loud noises. They scare her. So now I’m laying in bed, throat still dry, chest and socks wet from the water, with my baby on my side, and her little hand clenching my shirt.. I want to call the cops so bad. I want to leave so badly. I want out, my babies don’t deserve this. I just want to break down and cry, but my emotions affect my kids and I don’t want to hurt them anymore than what I already have by staying with this “man” after he continues to show me over and over again who he really is. Why do I stay? I have bills in my name here that I can not afford, my names on the lease.. my credit will be ruined, I’ll have debt, and will not be able to lease anywhere for 10 years. He “apologizes” says he’s getting help, acts better for a few days, does things I’ve been begging him to for a long time and I think he’s getting better again. I believe the lies. I let him manipulate me. I say I’m done every time, but every time I try to leave he hurts me worse or grabs my children and runs off with them. Yes their biologically his children too.. but he does nothing for them besides work. My mom buys everything for them. He calls me crazy and psycho but he will be driving and start swerving and make comments like “what if I just wrecked and killed all of us right now” who in their right mind says that with babies in the car. Then he’s beating the shit out of me when our 2 year old is beside me in bed and not caring if he hits her too. He has admitted on many times before he doesn’t care and says leave I’ll sign my rights over I don’t want them they’re probably not mine anyways. I have never slept with another man and it just breaks my heart he says that about his own children, but then every time I try to go he takes them and runs off saying “you’re not taking my kids from me” and says things about how I’ll never be able to get away from him bc we have kids together so I’ll always have to see him and talk to him and he’ll make sure my kids “know my true colors”. My mom and dad had a messy divorce and my dad used to lock me in a room for the whole week we used to see him and tell me things my mom supposedly did and then would make me repeat it while he recorded me. He had people follow us and take pictures of us all the time.. basically he put us through hell and when I got old enough to realize it was all him he wrapped a cord around my neck and tried to strangle me to death and is still walking around freely. I do not want my kids going through that hell. I feel trapped either way. I can’t even breath my anxiety and ptsd are so bad. Somebody please help me.