adoptive mom advice ?

i hope i’m not in the wrong here but if i am, i’ll try to fix it.

as some of y’all know my first son is adopted, his bio mom is my sister. i’ve been taking care of him from the moment he was born and legally adopted him earlier this year. his bio mom has rarely been in his life, always partying or is too “busy” to see him (even getting her to acknowledge his birthday has been- less than ideal)..

he’s 7 and lived with me his whole life, we’re very open about the fact he’s adopted because of all the court cases and visitation. which means he has his own opinion about his bio mom, and it’s not a very good one..

i NEVER talk bad about my sister, and i try to keep the reason we’ve had to go through all of this age appropriate. i say “your mom wasn’t ready to be a mom and that’s okay. we love you and you’re safe.” he’s been asking more questions lately now that he’s older and putting pieces together. i know kids have “bullied” him at school about it too so i can only imagine what they’ve said.

anyways, my sister ig has been getting clean again and she wants to see him.. i hate to say this but she says stuff like this all the time. she’ll get clean and then get his hopes up by visiting and then she’ll start to flake again and it’s back to maybe getting a 5min call once a month. the only thing different this time is now that he’s adopted, i legally don’t have to let her see him.

i’ve left it up to him but he’s 7.. that’s a lot to put on a kid. he’s already said he doesn’t want to see her, i told him to think about it and he rolled his eyes lol. but this morning he asked if she did come what would they do, i said i didn’t know. he asked if they could go to the aquarium and i said of course they could. i asked if he wanted me to tell her she can come and he was really hesitant.. i told him to think about it and that if she really wanted to see him she’d be okay with waiting however long for an answer. i let him know that he’s in control.

is that wrong of me ? should i have even told him ?? my husband thinks it’s too much pressure to put on a little kid and if she flakes out again he’ll blame himself or something worse. a part of me wants to protect him and just say no to the whole thing and i guess that’s why i let him decide because i subconsciously thought it was going to be a hard no from him.

sorry this is all new territory for me, i’ve been crying typing this. i just don’t want to hurt him more than he’s been already. it’s not fair at all and i feel like my sister doesn’t get it. i don’t know what to do anymore, and it just gets harder as he gets older.