Sometimes I just don’t want to be a mum

I really don’t cope with being tired. I work full time from 6am to 2pm and I need a full nights sleep or my depression kicks in full swing.

Most mornings recently my 1 year old has been waking up at 4am and not going back to sleep so I can’t get ready for work. Plus a few times during the night which I always wake up to and have to help. My partner is a stay at home parent so usually I wouldn’t see her until I get home at night. But he doesn’t take care of her during the night.

And I just don’t want to be a mum. I want to sleep and eat breakfast and I feel so selfish. And the guilt makes me hate myself.

We have really good days on the weekends or on afternoons where I’m not exhausted. I really do love her during the day when she’s happy and playing.

Does anybody else ever get this feeling? Where you just don’t want to be a mum right now? When you baby is up at night and you just need to take care of yourself? Am I a terrible mum for even having these thoughts? Does it ever get better?

I’m so depressed and so full of guilt and so tired.