Am I the only one who feels this way?

Question

Just a warning, this may sound insensitive to some...
I had a miscarriage at 7.5 weeks. My husband and I were very much trying to conceive, I tracked my ovulation with BBT and opks. We were estastic when we got pregnant on the second cycle. I started spotting at 7 weeks which turned into heavy bleeding. I was absolutely crushed when the doctor confirmed it was a miscarriage. I've come to terms with it now and I get a lot of support from other women on this app. However, I see a lot of women posting about losing their baby... I just don't feel like I lost an actual baby. Maybe because it happened so early in the pregnancy? Maybe because I never made it to my first ultrasound to hear or see a heartbeat? I feel horrible saying it but I'm just unsure why I feel this way. I threw away my positive hpts and I don't plan on doing anything in remembrance. I'm just ready to try again. I know everyone handles MC differently but does anyone else feel the same way?

Answer

It doesn't sound insensitive at all - I think it's  a very mature and pragmatic way of looking at it to be honest. The exact same thing happened to me last week - just after finding out I was pregnant with my first I miscarried 4 days later. I was only 4 weeks and 3 days and of course felt distressed and bitterly disappointed at the time, but I know several women who have gone through so much worse at much later stages in their pregnancy. It might sound insensitive but because it was still so early I somehow found it easier to cope with. I also took a lot of comfort in knowing we were fertile and could  conceive within 3 months - so after being sad for a couple of days I decided to get back on my fertility apps and start trying asap!!!

Answer

I said something similar when I went to see a counsellor after my miscarriage. I went for my 8 week ultrasound and all they saw was a sac and then I opted for a D&C. I was sitting there talking to my counsellor and I was quite upset and I said to her, part of this seems so odd to be upset about because there wasn't really anything. Like my mom died when I was 16 but I have memeries and experiences and thing to miss with her. This was so different because there were really any memories yet, just hopes and dreams and what not. I have gone back and forth between how I feel.

So no, you aren't necessarily alone in feeli that way. I think we all process it in our own way.

Answer

For me (I miscarried at 5w5d and 4w5d) and although I was terribly sad (still am coz the last one was this month) I also don't mourn a baby. It was never a baby it was a pregnancy. In medical terms it wasn't even a fetus yet. So I can completely understand what you're saying   I feel the same way.

Answer

I was very detached the first trimester because I knew the high risk of MC. If mine had happened earlier I probably would have felt the same way. Even at 19 weeks (when mine happened) it didn't process he was a real person until after it happened. It's still sad and hard, but I'm not losing a dream - I lost an undeveloped child that had no chance of survival. For some people, it seems they're picking out baby names and imagining life with that baby from the day they find out they are pregnant. Everyone is different...

Answer

Everyone copes differently and believes differently as well. I feel for me I believe life starts the moment you conceive. I was almost 6 weeks and this week I believe my little pea would start developing his heart. I am mourning my little pea.

Answer

I think you are entitled to feel however you need to feel about your own loss,  as long as you aren't projecting it on anyone else (which I don't think you are!) 
However,  for a lot of women it is very different. I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself I'd just lost a group of cells,  but I found it was just undercutting my grief, and hindering my ability to mourn. Because for me,  and a lot of other women,  the mourning process is just the same as if I'd lost any other loved one, and I needed to recognize myself as a real mother, and my baby as a real person in order to deal with my grief properly. 
But if a different route works for you,  then that's the path you have to walk,  and I'm glad there are women here to walk it with you.

Answer

I miscarried at 6weeks and I think I'm mostly mourning what could have been, the feeling of excitement and the idea at what would have come in 8months time. So I completely understand. I'm just wanting the whole process to finish so I can try again.
Personally I think this whole experience has now tainted any future excitement in pregnancy as I know I'll be worried it may happen again. Xxx

Answer

I just had misscarrage and had MC back in january and now trying again with clomid! And hopefully im ovulating soon! Just keep trying!

Answer

Everyone is different, we all have different responses. I was crushed when I had a MC around 12/7 (6 weeks) but within a few days I felt like myself and ready to move on. Many of my friends who had mc before said it would get harder but I feel fine.

Answer

You can feel however you feel about it. I think a lot of it has to do with personal beliefs as well as whether or not you've seen it on an ultrasound. Because I've seen both of mine on ultrasound and their heartbeats I did feel like I lost a baby, if I didn't see them it might be different especially since it didn't look like a baby when it came out.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

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