Original Due Date of Angel Baby

I don’t know how to explain it. I felt so much heaviness the 7 months that followed my miscarriage in April and when my original due date came on 11/23, I had a complete breakdown, took the day from work and just cried.

Now, after that it has come and gone I feel this lightness. I had mourned so deeply at the loss and I’m still sad, but it’s like a fresh start and I’ve just left it all behind. We have tried conceiving every month after and it hasn’t happened again for us yet, but I feel a lot less pressure. Since May, when we started trying after my first normal cycle, each month would come and go without a BFP and I felt such a disappointment to myself and to my partner. I felt guilty, like I wasn’t doing enough to get pregnant or it should have happened already. I don’t feel any of that whatsoever. The heaviness of the day overwhelmed me and poof it’s just gone.

It’s hard to explain. But, I will tell you, it’s the lightest I have felt since the loss. I get a fresh start, my mind is open, and free. I loved that baby for 2 months, and mourned it for 7 LONG, painful months. I will always think about the what if’s but my level of despair and desperation has disappeared.

I am okay if pregnancy doesn’t happen for me again because the process was devastating and I finally feel free. If it does happen, I welcome it and have new energy to give.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? I feel like the whole spirit of the failed pregnancy and spirit of my angel baby just fluttered away on 11/23/21and is allowing me to feel happy again.