How can I start to enjoy SEX?

Question

WARNING ** LONG POST** 
I’ve always had hardcore sex with my man, but it can get to be a bit daunting. I like the thrill but I seriously crave more sensuality, passion and intimacy during sex. I want to feel seduced, teased and played with. Not just bust it open, throw it down, and take a pounding session like a pro porn star ALL THE TIME. It can be painful. I want to feel desired and wanted. We haven’t had sex in months. I’m in the mood when we’re away and I’m fantasizing about the things I want to do, but when we’re together, I’m just not in that same space. 
I’ve tried bringing it up. He said he doesn’t mind kissing and foreplay, if that’s what I want, he just isn’t really into it. I didn’t make a big deal out of it but it worried me. The truth is, I want to feel desired and romanced, not sexually objectified. He doesn’t personally make me feel that way, he’s great and makes me feel sexy and beautiful, but just the lack of sensuality, intimacy and connection I feel from hardcore sex makes me feel that way. It hurts because it’s just a bunch of pounding, switching positions, I lose lubrication, my vagina swells, I find myself wondering when it’ll be over, and He nuts. 
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the idea of having sex with my man because I know it pleases him, but the actual act of it, doesn’t seem as pleasing to me as I would like. I’m trying hard to find ways to get in the mood and enjoy sex on my own terms with my partner and I just feel like I can’t. I really don’t like how this has affected our sex life and I don’t want to continue down this path. I want to have sex with my man and it not feel so tense, awkward, stiff or robotic because our chemistry is off. 
I’d like some advice on how to overcome this before it really starts becoming a big deal in our relationship and causes a rift.

Answer

Kissing and foreplay is a necessity for the vast majority of women. Talk to him. If it doesn’t change I’d start asking why I was with this person.

Answer

I think foreplay for women isn't about sex or being aroused. For me anyway, I love it when my man gives me personal attention and acts of service. Washes me in the shower, brushes my hair, brings me flowers, cleans the house when I'm putting the baby down for bed, takes me out on dates... I really do enjoy sexual foreplay, but I need to feel valued and like he still wants to win me over. Just because he has you, doesn't mean he has you forever and they should continue making effort to keep you like they did in the beginning or the sex is gonna be off.

Answer

I think you should take him up on the offer that he will do some foreplay, etc and try to make it good for him too. Show him how great it can be. Make him want that too.
Also maybe he needs to stop watching pork? It does give unrealistic expectations. Does he know you don't enjoy this and keeps doing this, specifically???

Answer

Maybe try a sex therapist or couples/tantric yoga to help teach him how to be more sensual.

Answer

To me personally, a sensual sexual partner is the best. What your describing doesn't sound like good sex, maybe for him but not for you. I've had a partner like that and I was never satisfied just in pain or uncomfortable. I've also had a romantic, sensual partner and that was the best sex ever. He needs to try foreplay and taking his time with you, even if he's not into it. He can try for you, that's how alot of women get wet or turned on, does he not realize that?

Answer

Him saying he isn’t into foreplay is a bit concerning… If you are looking for change in your sex life, tell him that you want to lead next time you guys have sex. Maybe start off with massages or just begin to guide him and do what feels right to you in order to physically show him what feels good to you. It sounds like he isn’t having sex WITH you, he is just doing it TO you.

Answer

See Im the opposite, I like the hardcore stuff while my (ex)fiancé likes more intimate stuff but also likes the hardcore stuff. So basically we compromised, the start of our “fun time” was what he liked doing(he always made sure I finished before he even started) and we ended it with what I liked. Also, I would also be in the mood and fantasizing about stuff with him but when he was around me I didn’t really want to do anything.
Maybe you can ask your man if it can be like a 50/50 thing, start with the intimacy and doing what you need then finish it off with what he likes.

Answer

Recently my husband and I have been communicating abt this as well. My husband has a porn addiction (he’s doing so good right now not watching) and he was feeling horrible bc it was like wam bam and I stopped getting lubricated bc I personally need clit stimulation OR I really love sensual kissing, thigh grabbing and so on. I expressed to him how me not being lubricated was making me feel it made me feel like something was wrong with me u know what I mean so although I have never used one I suggested let’s get a vibrator he was saying ya let’s get a cock ring I said no an actual vibrator. I ordered it and when he used it on me I was a bit shy and embarrassed so I had a hard time reaching climax but when I did and it was from him holding the wand!!! Oh m gee it was and has been great. He seen the difference and with the kissing and stuff I’m feeling normal again! He sees the difference he tells me how wet I am and that gets me more confident and turned on and I’ve been more vocal abt little things that contribute like just the other day we were kissing and he was grabbing my thigh but a bit intensely and I was like I remember how much this makes me feel desired, I told him and he incorporated that now yesterday…point being lol sorry for the details but guide him, take control, initiate it, guide his hands and the pace and he will get it. Communication is key and u show him, he will learn, it takes time, and in time he will initiate it on his own. Seduce him, maybe even talk dirty abt him seducing you so he learns how and what he can say or do to seduce u to ur liking. Don’t get discouraged! You can do this!

Answer

Honestly it’s going to take honest, verbal communication the first few times. 
Guys typically want to know straight up what we want, how we want it, where, etc. 
So you should get into the mindset, initiate, then talk through it. Not loud or obnoxious, just with a quiet, sensual voice. Tell him what you want, move his hands to where you want them. Literally guide the whole encounter. 
When you respond positively, he’ll get on board and be thrilled with it. 
If he starts pounding you, ask him to slow down or you take control. And go how you want. 
You can still involve intense, hardcore moments but it doesn’t have to be the whole thing. 
Sex is a lot of communication, especially when we need a change. It’s awkward to describe what we want and need. But it’s so worth it. 
Just be open, vocal and willing to guide. Don’t assume he knows what you want/need. 
It will be good for the both of you; not just sex wise, but communication in general.

How can I start to enjoy SEX?

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