42...32

So my man is 32. I've known him for a while. He came to live with me to help clean my mom's house when she passed in 2020. Within a week or two of him being here we started messing around. I was not in my right state of mind. He has been out on the streets and doing drugs and I just let it slide by. During this time we were having a lot of sex. Now he's clean and sometimes I just feel like you can't have sex unless he is on drugs. When we have sex some time he is soft and he's trying to put it in or make himself get hard but can. I go down on him and no matter how I try to suck it he can't get hard. He moans and groans but nothing. He'll go down on me until I've had mine but I feel like I'm not good enough. Like right now it's 3:48 a.m. and he's in the living room sleeping on the couch I woke up at 1:00 to find him in there asleep with his hands in his pants. He says he loves me everyday and he gives me kisses but when it comes to the sex I just feel so ugly and it makes me want to go back to my old ways and just start messing around. Maybe you guys can give me some advice. is it just in my head or am I at the point of where I'm ready to let go and move on.