So this year has been the year of making me a hypocrite. I gave birth to my second baby, a baby girl, June 30. Rewind to first baby, born October 2019. He was a planned c section because I mentally freaked out whenever someone tried to do an internal on me. Both my babies are <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> babies, I’m a single mom by choice. For my second baby, for some reason a VBAC became very very important to me. I read birth stories from people who had a plan and it didn’t go as planned and they were devastated and struggling with it. I thought that’s silly, people should be grateful their baby is here and happy and healthy, it doesn’t matter how the baby came into the world. Well I went into labour naturally June 29. Midwife admitted me to the hospital and I couldn’t tolerate internals. Eventually a nurse came and I survived one and I was only 4 cm dilated but decided for the epidural so that they could continue to check me without me freaking out. 15 hours of labour, I kept getting intense back pain which I complained about. I kept falling asleep and forgetting to breath. My Spo2 would drop, midwife would hit me awake and tell me to breath. I kept hearing them say “the baby isn’t likening that” something about babies heart beat and kept noticing the midwife on her cell texting someone. She was a relatively new midwife and they were stretched thin so it was just her and a nurse helping me plus my mom.

June 30, Dr comes in and immediately says forceps or c section. I am terrified of forceps but did consider it before agreeing to c section. While preforming the c section the dr tells me I have a septum in my uterus which I new about. I also thought the midwife should have given a quick summery of me to the dr so that he new what he was up against but no such talk occurred. The midwife never left my side so I know she didn’t talk to him.

I was so so disappointed I did not get my VBAC to the point I had a hard time bonding with my daughter. I lost respect and trust for the midwife and I had a hard time accepting everything that happened. It wasn’t an easy thing to let go of but six months post partum, I’m finally over it. IF I have a third it will be via c section, but I might not use the midwives again.