This will be long read..

I have 3 kids and one on the way ages 4,3 & 1 & im 34 weeks pregnant.

My two oldest aren’t biologically my bfs but my other two are. The past we months have gotten really bad but I’d say it’s been this way for a while.. so back story. We got together, things were great blah blah. Well a year ago maybe is when I started getting controlled. I can’t eat, drink, watch what I want on tv, go where I want/when I want, wear what I want, wear make up, use wax melts ir wall plug ins, certain cleaners to clean house without getting totally just bitched at hardcore.. if his underwear isn’t clean I get bitched at, too much laundry I get bitched at, dishes still not done.. bitched at, kids being too loud they get yelled at or we all get yelled at, being on my phone I get accused, text a girl friend too much I’m lesbian, a guy likes something I posted or shared on Facebook I’m cheating.. I don’t feel like giving him “love” I’m cheating. Take a bath too long he’ll come check on me asking who I’m texting on my phone (I won’t even be on my phone) if I’m gone too long he ask who I went to see etc etc etc. list goes on and on and on..

We’ve never been married and the other day he got mad at me bc I didn’t help with “his business” how he wanted and flipped shit(which btw I’ve been cleaning houses and managing the business myself my whole pregnancy and like I said I’m high risk..he gets mad if I ask for help) bc I’ve had dr appointments, kids surgery’s, kids school, house work, baby sitter, cleaning, plus I’m high risk pregnancy with my 4th and supposed to be on bed rest.. he threw a fit and so I said I was just going to go to my moms for a few days bc they don’t deserve to be around arguing. He got even more pissed and tried to take his kid.. no no no1st if all you don’t help, you don’t chnage him, doesn’t know anything about his next surgery check up, medicine he takes, when or what he eats/can and can’t eat.. nothing.. he only ever wants to hold him if we’re arguing.. I told him he’s not taking him and he was screaming in my face and then tried to take a hammer to my car so I couldn’t leave well someone called the cops.. so blah blah blah.. skip to this week, I went to L&D thinking my pain was labor but I have the flu and dilated to a 2 with contractions.. he’s been in the bedroom for 6days now only comes down for food and goes back up.. had to call my mom just to take me to the hospital and she lives 2 hours away..

Now, I want to leave him for good.. I’m scared of what he’ll do when I leave or try to leave.. abuse doesn’t have to be physical.. it’s hard to leave if you’ve been in an abusive relationship you know it’s not easy..

How do I leave.. and not “just pack your stuff and leave”.. (everything in the house is mine.. literally all furniture, food, everything but his clothes and tools) just advice.. 🥺🙏🏼 I’m lost, scared, stuck, confused.. I’ve left him mentally and emotionally just can’t do it physically 🥺