Hey everyone!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and Happy New year!

Trying to stay positive here. So I have a 3yo and 10mo, and my marriage is falling a part, the day I found out I was pregnant (July 2020) I also found out my husband had cheated on me 3 weeks before our wedding in January 2020, so we were already married and had literally just brought a house and I'd lost my job after the first Covid lockdown, so I stuck around making sure he knew I was furious over it, fast forward this has given him some unsightly reasoning that I won't leave him, however.

I'm at a stage now where he's gone back to gambling, and beginning of December 2021 he decided gambling 2k was somewhat appropriate, he tried to cover this loss by getting a loan out which when the paperwork arrived I opened the letter thinking it was my end of finance agreement on a ring I'd brought years before, turns out he'd used the same company and I never read the name so I found that out quick as you can imagine I was furious. But what's got me is that he gambled again and had the nerve to tell me (unemployed no longer receiving maternity literally waiting to here back from 2 interviews today) that he hadn't sorted his self employment tax from last year and now owes a further £800.

I just gwaked if I'm honest like, WTF. I said to him I couldn't help he'd have to speak to his family, he went to his grandad who couldn't afford it obviously, his poor Grandad (such a lovely man like so precious) is paying £1600 a month for his grandmother in aa care home for her dementia, of course he doesn't have the money, which again lead me to the did you seriously ask the one family member that is actually paying for real things. He then told me I had to ask my parents and I flipped out.

You see my parents have paid for food shopping every time we've struggled, my mum buys little "care packages every month for our kids even the better months - nappies, box of wetwipes, food pouches for the little, favourite snacks for my big - and my dad paid off my husbands £900 speeding fine last year. My parents are ALWAYS helping and I refused, they would help us, but I said no, and told him he had to go to his mother. He said if she says no, we don't have a choice so I harshly said if she says no about helping you with your screw up, she can have you move back in because we will be getting divorced.

I said I was done being pulled down by all of his self inflicted debts, he had a year with this tax to spread it over his current employment tax rate, and didn't. He chose to go back to gambling, he chose to get loans out and lie to me about it. He chose a job an hour away on nights minimum wage 5 on 5 off (we have 1 car which is in my name because its my car) instead of taking one in our area with a company van because he'd only have 2 days off a week.

His days off he sleeps all day and plays ps4 all night he don't do family things or spend time with us, honestly my life wouldn't change accept less car damages to pay for. he moans when I use my diesel, now bare in mind I pay the car tax, service and mot, plus the finance, and when he burst a tire last week I had to pay for it, when he smashed the £700 rear Tinted, heated window, I paid the repairs, but I can't take my kids out to meet a friend because fuel must be saved for work.

Leaving him is the best option for my children, I'm crying writing this because the honest truth breaks my heart, I love him I'm angry I love him, but I can't watch my kids be put in an awful situation. I don't want them growing up watching us argue about money.

My Question is, mamas that had a mortgage on a house, what did you do? I don't want to lose the house, the jobs I'm waiting to hear from - please pray for me - are 20 hours and 30 hours a week, my mum is helping with child care, but as a married woman owning a property I'm currently not entitled to any government help, will that change and can you reassure me please that I'm not making a bad decision. I love the man, but love isn't enough when he's gambling more than he's earning.

Side note - he also pays £400 a month straight out his wages to CMS for his 2 kids from his teenage relationship, so no matter what those children are being supported (as they should be) but mine aren't seeing a penny so I'm getting slightly bitter which is so unfair on the other kids, but I'm tired of taking care of them when they're mums getting her nails done on my husbands wage, and I can't eeven buy my daughters nappies.

I'm confused, emotional, very heated and angry, and I just want to not be sat here looking at red zoned overdrafts. I want to be sat here ensuring my babies are growing up safe, loved and with everything they need, God Help Me.