I’ve been married 7 years with 2 kids , 1 biologically his whose 5 and one not whose 13 next month. And I have been really unhappy in the last year or 2. Like I have days where i am happy then days I’d rather not be married. I think about not being married. My husband I have our differences of course, what couple doesn’t. Last night he expected me to rub his back when we went to bed at 9pm, I told him I could do it tomorrow (Friday). He walked into to the kitchen sighing loud with an irritated look/sound. I said “did that really make you mad”. He then raised his voice at me and got mad all because I said he was mad. It’s always been like that. He acts, sounds etc mad at things and when I say you don’t have to be mad or ask if he’s mad he says he gets mad when I say or ask him, he even does that to his own parents. When he gave our son a shower last night whose 5, he told my husband he hurt him (while washing his hair) and started crying , my husband’s response to that was “stop crying, I didn’t do anything”. All in a raised voice at our son. There was no reason for him to get loud about anything.I told him I would just finish giving him a shower because he doesn’t cry when I do it. Again husband’s response was “exactly, he’s only crying so you’ll do it”. Uhm, no! It’s because I’m more gentle with him. I told him maybe he should ask what he did to accidentally hurt him or what was wrong instead of raising his voice sayin go he didn’t do anything.

It’s not just about last night. It seems to always be like that. I don’t know what to do. I always pictured my life differently and this is far from it. 😞

I’m scared to even think divorce because I’d have to live with my parents again (toxic mom). Since I can’t afford to live on my own at the moment. But I would want my kids and myself to be happy.

We tried marriage counseling 2-3 years ago, didn’t seem to help, but stopped due to my oldest (13 next month) was suicidal and we got help for her.

I am not sure what to think or do. I don’t want to talk to my parents about this because they will say leave (they don’t like husband very much).