Trying to not be angry!

Any other momma trying really hard not to be angry with child’s dad. I’m 5 months and as much as he thinks he’s supporting me I don’t feel like he is. Before anyone comes here being negative, we were going on five years being together. I found out I was expecting pregnant and like 3 days after I told him he let me know that he was planning to break up with me if he I didn’t tell him I was pregnant because he was tired. I told him if that’s what he wanted to do no matter what he should stick to that. I’m not a fan of making ppl stay where they don’t want to be.

He let me know that I shouldn’t keep the baby and that I should get an abortion. But he stated that if I keep the baby he will be in the babies life and help me. Then he left me alone for a week to “decide”. When I never really thought I had anything to decide but of course I never imagined having to bring our baby into a broken home. After the week, I told him I was keeping the baby ( I had an abortion before and mentally it was the worst thing ever, which he knew and I told him I was never doing it again ). For like 2 months, I didn’t see him at all while going through nausea, in and out the hospital for myself and my 5 year old by myself but he never failed to keep reminding me that I should get the abortion. He asked me, “what was I holding on to ?” My emotions & stress was so bad, as much as I tried to not let it get the best of me, I couldn’t focus and I had to withdrawal from Nursing School and I was supposed to graduate with my ASN in May. And when I told him he pretty much said “I told you so!”

I believe he eventually realized I was not getting an abortion and claims he’s here for me. I tried speaking to him about how I feel but he told me he doesn’t think he did anything wrong and that I was bugging or tripping. He said that he was honest with me about not wanting the baby and never said he wouldn’t take care of his kid. Which he never really was. I had to pull it out of him because he wouldn’t bluntly say it at first. He pretty much just listed his reasons. keep in mind two months prior he was happy about us having a baby if I became pregnant and nothing I know of changed besides my 3rd nursing school semester starting again.

I can’t help but to feel alone and despise him for making my second pregnancy how it is when he knows how my first one went and told me he wouldn’t treat me like that. I see other pregnant women with their child’s dad and it makes me sad I’ll never get that. I don’t ever won’t to force myself in a miserable situation but why can’t he be what I need him to be. Was I really that horrible .. I see he’s out every weekend, out of my 3 apts that he was allowed to come to he’s only came to 1. I sleep by myself every night, he might stay over once every 3 weeks. He only checks on me like once every 1.5 week. I’ve been satisfying all my own cravings, catering to myself by myself. It just sucks cause I though my partner would be doing that and experiencing this with me. I’m trying to tell myself it’s okay but then I find myself crying about it. I don’t want to make him seem horrible because he has helped take care of my son for 4 years. I know life’s not fair, but we were together for so long, almost 5 years. I just can’t comprehend. If you loved me like you say you did why ask me to get an abortion and leave while I’m pregnant. .