I was lucky enough to go through my pregnancy with my close friend only a month behind me and found it so helpful to have someone to talk about symptoms with and warn or reassure that weird things were normal. However, I had the most normal experience, in that it was so “uneventful” I feel like it was abnormal? I almost feel robbed of the trauma people seem to associate with pregnancy and birth, but then I feel guilty for not appreciating how lucky I was.

This was my first pregnancy, so I understand not showing until later. But I didn’t “pop” until 30 weeks. I had no morning sickness, I had no cravings. Everything measured fine and I tried not to be upset, but it sucked not being able to compare bellies or wondering what was wrong with me that I didn’t look like everyone else at that gestational age. My belly could never even support a bowl of chips!

I was so “uneventful” I scheduled my baby’s eviction. Otherwise known as an elective induction. At 40+4, I took the day off, and did nothing except repack my hospital bag 3 times. Called the hospital at 8pm to ask if they had a bed and they said to come in. Walked into a waiting room of pregnant ladies and their partners, but I was the only one with bags, and was called in first. We lucked out with a private room for the duration of my induction.

Checked in at 10pm, got in the room by 11pm, didn’t receive the cytotec til 2:30a because of a midnight pharmacy delay. Discussed pain management with the RN and initially said I’d like to wait as long as I could for the epidural (I don’t fear pain, I fear surgery), but after the second dose at 4:30a, my back was cramping, very low in my uterus was cramping, and I was peeing constantly.

At 8:30a, I renigged on my pain management decision, and they respectfully offered morphine after a dilation check. Low and behold, I was suddenly 3cm dilated, 70% effaced, and missing my amniotic sac. The doctor’s face was quite amused when she asked if my water broke and I said I dunno, then proceeded to tell me my water had broken. (We estimated around 6a when I increased my trips to the bathroom and told my husband I had wet the bed). I was told instead I would be getting the epidural and being moved to the delivery room. This is when they brought me the smallest wheelchair for my literal about-to-bear-a-child hips, and I had the most painful contractions that brought me to tears.

9a-Moved to the delivery room, got the epidural. Started to feel discomfort in my vagina, got a little epidural button to press every 15min. Set my alarm for every 15 min and pressed that ish like clockwork.

12:30, breathed through the painful urge to poo 3-4 times, then told my husband to hand me the call button because I needed to tell the nurse I needed to use the bathroom. She insists I be checked first, doc reaches in again and doesn’t get very far before saying (direct quote) “oh that’s a head”

Suddenly I have a nurse, a resident, my OB who happened to pop in between 2 twin c sections, and a student helping me hold my legs and telling me to try some practice pushes. Next contraction, I did indeed poop, they wiped me very professionally, however I still stand by that I could’ve made it to the bathroom and back. 4 sets of pushes (exactly 19mins) later? I delivered a healthy 8.5 LBS baby girl! Where tf was she hiding inside of me <40 weeks>

Maybe it was just so calm and zen, which could be partially my fault, it’s not like I screamed while pushing, but it made such an extraordinary event feel so ordinary? I have no regrets and so do not mean to be ungrateful, but not gonna lie this does terrify me for any future pregnancies/deliveries…will I ever get this lucky again? Hence, the unicorn pregnancy/delivery 🦄

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