So, my SO and I were fighting. It's their practice to be open and honest to the point of cruelty, whereas it is mine to shut down to try to not make things worse. I have attempted to be a better communicator and to force myself to be more open when we argue, but I have not done it perfectly at all. During our last fight, they said something to me that hurt, so for once I returned fire in a similar fashion. They seemed stunned and hurt by what I said. I felt like, "you believe it's perfectly acceptable to speak to me this way, but you can't handle it when I use the same methods? Maybe you shouldn't dish what you can't take?"

Communication has long been an issue for us. We have different styles and priorities within how we speak to each other, especially when fighting. They have offered to pursue couples counseling, but they believe they need no help, and I don't want to waste time in a process that they have no true interest in, because no change can happen in someone who doesn't believe that they need it.

So question: is it normal to say things you don't mean in a fight, and I just need to grow a spine? Or am I ok to feel like there is a better way that we could be communicating? And what does their communication style say about them?