Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. Well two years in February.

I stopped taking my bc for about 3 weeks bc I had no more left without going to the doc and couldn’t get in for awhile. It took a toll on my mental health. I have depression and anxiety and I am on meds for it.

We both agreed that something is different in our relationship and that we are working to fix it. I have been thinking that maybe I love him but I’m not in love w him.

We always are w friends and never really get alone time. If we are alone he always plays on his ps4. I’ve talked about going on dates, etc. but when we actually try to go on one he invites one of his friends. He always pushes me to be the best person I can be and helps me with trying to lose weight like I want to.

Anytime I get upset about something I’m being dramatic or when I don’t feel good, I’m being dramatic (I have bad allergies and I live in Texas where our weather is bipolar and my allergies are always so bad) He gets annoyed when I cough….bruh.

Anyways I’ve been reading books lately to kind of escape reality and it just making me crave attention and being loved like I want to be. He is not protective of me what so ever. I kinda think when a guy is protective of you that it’s hot 🤷🏽‍♀️. It’s like there’s no excitement in the relationship. He doesn’t care if I were to show my boobs off to anyone else or anything and it kinda bothers me.

No flowers even though I’ve asked and he’s said he’s gotten me some before. I’d like that, if I’m having a bad day or whatever. We don’t really celebrate valentines bc our anniversary is two days away but a simple flower or card or something would be great. Which I understand not all guys are like that. He’s told me he’s not a mushy gushy kinda of person and I wasn’t like that at first but when I started to fall in love with him it made me mushy gushy.

I’ve been talking to my mom about it but her and my dad are like 27 years into their marriage or something like that. They aren’t mushy anymore. But I want that.

I don’t know if it’s because I was off my bc for awhile that it made me depressed about it but. He’s a party animal and I’m more of a home body. We’re on two levels, he told my best friend that I’m the kind of person he wants to settle down w and have kids but also he’s no where near settling down anytime soon.

We have a dog together that stays at his house and I’m working w his mom rn, so if I ended things it would be rough. Im 20 bout to be 21 and he was basically my first to do almost everything besides kissing. Is it bad I crave more? More affection? I just don’t know what to do. Are all long term relationships like this with questioning about the future? I want to talk to him about this but he will get all upset and moody etc. I know there are 7 billion people in this world and I know there’s someone for everyone, but I’m just scared. Please help me on what y’all think I am so lost right now.