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I’m scared of who I am now

You know how they say that it doesn’t matter how long someone is around matters is what happened

But I’m officially scared that I’m bitter and after what I’ve done and said I can’t believe I’m not over this. Some days like today I prayed to God that my night would be good and I would be okay but it’s 2:17 am and I just had a sandwich and I don’t know what to do.