I feel like I am being pulled into different directions. I want another baby so bad. I have my girls wanting a sibling, and my husband is not so much on board with it for one reason or another; rather it is financial, my health, my age, risks involved and so one and so forth. The list just goes on.

My girls are convinced I am pregnant, my husband has been on me to take a test the last three days. I told him it is too early. I am so emotionally done with being pulled, that I snapped today. I took a test and of course it came out negative. I showed it to my husband and said see I told you… to early to take. It said “not pregnant”. It broke my heart and I was crushed of course.

I do understand we’re my husband is coming from and so glad he is watching out for me. I am. ( so please do not bash me or my family).

My back story is I am 45, have two beautiful girls and my first baby is in heaven from a miscarriage. I have wanted another baby since my second baby was born. I have always felt I have a lot more love to give and felt that three would complete our family.

It is a work in progress and conversations my husband and I have had. I just may have to accept the fact to have another baby just may not be possible for a lot of reasons one my husband not completely on board but if it happened he would be happy, and two age.

I am asking for prayer. I believe in prayer and also if it is in God’s will the desire of my heart will come to. If it is not, then I believe I will be grieving for a little bit.