Y’all, I’m really trying to put myself in my husbands shoes so I can understand how to handle this without making it awkward. So I need advice. This is a LONG and HONEST post.

You ever heard the phrase, “you never know what you got till it’s gone?” Well I miss receiving oral.

Back in the past with my old flames, I would get it all the time without asking. So much that if I got it, cool . If not, I wasn’t concerned because knew it that it was going to happen next time…and it did, so I never really yearned (?) for it. So when I met my now husband, he didn’t do it as often as I was used to, but that didn’t really concern me at the time. Before I didn’t really notice because A. I used to see him after a long day at school, work or the gym, so I didn’t really encourage it or B. Regular sex and being in each other’s company was pleasant enough. It wasn’t until we moved in together I realized that he barely gave oral. Maybe 1-3 times a year and those times it’s usually after a big argument, where HE messed up, or if he feels like he’s in “trouble or danger of losing me”. Like it’s never just on his own, not even on our wedding night or during our honeymoon.

I did everything possible , I put my ass in his face, he’ll just slap, bite, rub or kiss it. That’s it. I told him that I don’t like to ask for certain things to be done in bed because I’m not used to asking & he said he understands but then it’s like pulling teeth afterwards. You could literally see him mentally avoiding the thought of giving oral. He even slipped up one day during our after sex talks and said that it’s not fair that I can’t finish because hes not in the mood to want to do…things. He hesitated before he said “things”, but we knew what he meant.

I used to think it was because of the hair, so one day I got a Brazilian I happily showed him and waited for the feast, and NOPE nothing. He just gushed at how smooth I was 🙄. I put some sweet smelling oils on my inner thighs, NOPE , he just said I smelled good and gave it a cute kiss. I almost knee’d him in the face.

I used to give it to him all the time but then I stopped because I was sick and tired of always giving and not receiving.

So now I seek advice as I brought it up to him again but this time stating that our intimacy is missing the passion and sparks that we had before marriage. He basically said sorry and turned over and went to sleep. Recently, I’ve caught myself fantasizing about my old flames (only the lusty parts because ain’t no way🙅🏽‍♀️) and how exciting it was . And when I fight these fantasies, they end up in my dreams! So far I’ve been having dreams about my old flames and I end up waking up feeling more pleased than when I’m intimate with my husband. I feel so guilty which is why I started communicating with him but he’s not responding well.

And before y’all say to use sex toys, I have tried and it’s not the same, and it’s crazy because I never felt the need to use toys until I got married 🤦🏽‍♀️.

We have couples therapy tomorrow and I feel so weird bringing it up because I don’t want to embarrass/upset him but I haven’t been so sexually unfulfilled like this before. It’s to the point that if Micheal B. Jordan was to show up at my front door asking what’s for dinner, I’d buss it wide open. My older brother and sister both have a habit of seeking elsewhere to get their needs fulfilled when their spouses fall short, so asking them for advice wasn’t an option as I’m remaining faithful.

So my question is this, if you didn’t like giving oral, how would you respond to your husband constantly asking?

Also, I’m in my late 20s and he is in his early 30s, if that helps.