TMI/TW: Sad to have to ever go through through this but I just had a miscarriage yesterday and still bleeding, for anyone that has gone through this how do you cope? I wasn’t planning on having a child as I am in nursing school but my nuvaring failed me despite following every direction. I never knew i was pregnant despite having a positive test, i ignored it because I had people telling me it’s probably a false positive or faulty test due to it being faint. Anyhow, a few days after testing i got the slightest positive looking test and then a negative. I just thought they might have been evaporation lines.. but no. This is the most traumatic experience I have ever had in terms of birth control. I had some symptoms like nausea, boobs grew huge within two weeks, fatigue, heartburn, feeling bloated like a balloon, cravings, feelings of being extremely overwhelmed and just feeling ill and not my normal self. I honestly feel so awful about myself and blame myself for it, I was drinking wine a few days before, highly stressed, eating sushi, and taking my medication Wellbutrin/seroquil that i question if it caused the miscarriage. I know it wouldn’t have been the right time considering I’m a student in an accelerated nursing program and 21, but my heart still hurts because deep down i always wanted to be a mom eventually. Waking up to extremely painful cramping and giant blood clots/bleeding i have never experienced before put me into shock, I actually was pregnant and didn’t trust my intuition. It was hard for me to tell anyone and my boyfriend doesn’t understand, he doesn’t understand how serious this is. He played it off like “we had a baby for a few days/weeks” and started just making jokes not understanding that at that moment i was holding back tears, too soon. Even tried to have sex asking for it, kinda hurt even more when he joked about “butt stuff” since I’m bleeding and i just felt like a piece of meat in that moment. Does he think a miscarriage is like a period? He asked me why i was so sad about it, It’s so different when it’s your own body and I feel like I’m not getting the support I need but I don’t know how to explain to him how detrimental this is to my mental health… my heart hurts over the fact that i had to sit and take a nursing exam while actively going through a miscarriage and pretend as if I’m okay. My boyfriend says i have been moody, difficult, rude etc because i have been sensitive and snappy but doesn’t understand how much i have going through my head. Obviously males have not a clue about what the female body goes through, so how did you tell your significant other so they better understand? I feel so awful that today i did not show up to my shift for a job that i have been stressed out at for weeks now, I just couldn’t find it in me and had a “fuck this, i need to worry about myself first” moment. I might have not been pregnant for long, but i have to keep reminding myself it’s valid. I’ve had so many losses this past year including my own grandfather recently, all i can think about is how soothing it would have been for me to bring something positive into this world even if i had to reshape my life and be stressed out for a bit of time. I hope to heal soon, I feel alone. And if you made it this far, Thank you for listening. ❤️