Elopement help ??

Question

My partner and I have talked about getting married soon and eloping. I don't have friends or family for a big wedding and just want something small and intamate with just our parents and grandparents.i have basically found a venue and planned the decor for our ceremony arch, bought a dress etc . All we need is rings and our marriage license. Well Everytime I mention it now it's always oh I want this big wedding and invite everyone , I want to buy a house first and have the wedding in the backyard and seems like he just is trying to prolong it now. We've been together 4 years now and it's honestly disturbing me that we can agree on shit, and now he wants to buy an expensive ring and have this big wedding I am not intrigued by at all. I don't care to entertain and feed hundreds of people who I dont care for and people who don't even talk to him but he wants there. It's our day , so I just don't get it. After all of this Bs after we discussed to just elope is making me not want to marry him at all anymore. It's not a beautiful process , I'm simple I don't want or need much , just the two of us is all I need on my wedding day. I know it's wrong but if I can't figure out how to get him on board with things and get the process moving I'm leaving him. I'm tired of wasting years with someone who really doesn't have the same values ,that's what it seems like since it took him years anyways to be on board with marriage. What can we do to try to work together in this situation. I just want to marry the man I've lost a son with , someone I've shared my heart and life with and he's making is hard I just don't see myself staying if we don't get married, especially after all the planning we've done already . It's like I'm being stabbed in the back .

Answer

Premarriage counceling can help u guys really make sure youre on the same page. Even just going online and sitting down and answering questions together.
     Probably gonna have to compromise and do a micro wedding. I eloped and it was perfect. I think u can focus on the true meaning of coming together with those closest to u… not to mention saving so much money. Maybe u can elope but do a reception/party after or on another day. Marriage will require compromise and will heavily depend on u both working as a team and honoring eachother. How have you guys been doing life together and making decisions together thus far?

Answer

I felt a bit frustrated with my fiancee for similar reasons. I'd never wanted a wedding, just wanted to elope soon after the proposal bwith immediate family only present (actually, I just wanted the two of us but considering my mom and sisters would be hurt, I decided immediate family wasn't so bad). He seemed to agree, but then after he proposed and I started making plans, it was clear he actually wanted a wedding, and had thought regardless of what I'd said, all women want a wedding so it would just happen. We compromised with a relatively short engagement and small wedding, which is mostly being planned by a wedding planner, with lots of input from him and my bridesmaids. 
Maybe you guys can have something small, or if he wants big, put him in charge of everything and just pipe up with the things you like. Or do small ceremony and big reception, also planned by someone else.

Answer

I feel like 4 years is def long enough and I'd leave too.Before I got married my man didn't want to at all,but he wanted to have kids and do everything like we was married.Myself I have a goal and life plan to married and I wouldn't settle neither.there plenty men who wouldn't hesitate because they share the same values. 🤷🏻‍♀️Why spend more years waiting for someone to commit when you have already waited

Answer

I'd ask him to attend couple's counseling with you. It's important for YOU to figure out if you even truly want this anymore. Then to have him understand how you feel and make sure you're heard. Thirdly, to allow him to explain why he's changed the plan on you. It's a lot easier to talk these things through with a professional who can help you to hear each other, think of things in different ways, and help uncover your true feelings. It sounds like you've enduring some traumatic events together so it's important to make sure you're going into marriage for the "right" reasons and uncovering your deepest feelings because divorce sucks.

Answer

I understand your upset and your intitled to how you feel but 4 years is not a long time and it’s his wedding to. If he has second thoughts on how things should be allow him to and come to a compromise. I think it’s a lot for you to just say if it’s not this way imma leave because did you want to marry no matter what or in your way only . I’m not trying to be rude but think about this realistically. The man wants to marry you and may want a bigger wedding then just 8 people he has a right to how he feels to . I think y’all should re talk about it and things you can compromise on and don’t feel comfortable with. 
Like maybe we can do 25 people and a small wedding with a few more friends and family. Or maybe get married eloped and have a party for it after where his family can celebrate with y’all. 
I don’t think you should give up that easily is all . It’s a way everyone can be happy on YALL day. ❤️

Elopement help ??

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