My heart is feeling broken 💔

My heart and hopes feel completely dashed.

So many obstacles to even just trying to have a baby that it feels impossible.

Why can horrible people have children?

I am a kindhearted law abiding human and I can't even have ONE.

I think about the baby I lost. They would be 5 this year.

Would we be having a party with a bunch of other kids or would they like to eat out? What would they like to wear? What color would their eyes be and what color would their hair be? Would it curl or be straight? What would their interests be? I feel like I've missed out so much on a special persons life, but I have no way to make up for it. I can't fix the separation.

Family and friends are pregnant. I get comments made about how I could get pregnant...and trust me they don't work. I feel like giving up. I want the pain to stop. I wish I could just fix what's wrong.

My heart feels broken after over 7 years of trying.

I don't know if I can keep doing this.