For the first two years of my child’s life, I was a terrible and absent mother. I rarely played with her, I didn’t read to her, she watched a lot of tv and played independently, and I didn’t have the ability to put her into care so she wasn’t socializing nearly enough. I realize now I was suffering from severe PPD and I was suffering completely alone. No friends, no family. I was so broken I honestly wanted to die but I couldn’t handle the thought of leaving my daughter in this world alone. One day I just realized this is not how I wanted to live my life for my daughter, I could start to see how much I was impacting her and somehow managed to get the support I needed. Now I look at my daughter and I can’t help but be filled with such deep regret. She will be 3 years old soon and I can’t shake this feeling of how much I failed her. I worry about her future and her mental health. I worry about everything, everyday. I love her so much, I make it a priority to spend all of my time with her. I now absolutely love reading to her, dancing, singing, playing trains, bath time, everything about her childhood burns a fire inside me that makes me want to be better. I just wish I could of fought the depression away sooner. Some days are a battle mentally, but I am so thankful she is still with me. I am so thankful I was able to break the chain. If you ever feel the way I did, just know that there is help out there if you’re ready to receive it. Please reach out for your child(ren). They need us to be present, to be there for them, to show them. I can’t change my past but I sure hell can change the future. To my daughter, I am sorry, just know your mom is trying her best everyday to make it up to you. You have saved my life and I hope I can show you how special yours is. I love you.