Does anyone else feel like this?

At a young age I started questioning the existence of god/religion and I’ve been atheist since middle school. It depresses me because I WISH I could believe. It just all seems so made up and impossible with all the science we have now. I see people who are believers and they are so much happier, they don’t have as many fears or worries about the future or life in general and I just wish I could be like that. I live in fear of death and my future everyday and I wish I could believe in a higher power but I just can’t. Does anyone else feel this way too? I do believe in ghosts/spirits because I have had encounters but I just can’t wrap my head around god. Are there any believers out there that can shed some light on how I can let go of thinking analytically and open my heart up to becoming a believer?

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