Okay okay so long story short (ish) I have a son (5) and a daughter (1) and been with my partner 7 years so you know we look like the perfect family and we are to an extent obviously. But for a year now I’ve been trying for a 3rd baby and my partner was on board but wasn’t either. He was always happy with the two we got so he was just doing this for me really. Anyway a year has passed and that was my deadline so I’m a little upset because you know I just felt like one more right? Skip to a month ago I had I’m pretty sure a chemical pregnancy with you know positive tests showing up! You would think I would be happy, right? Well I was scared and unsure and sorry to admit but I wasn’t ready. I looked at how my life was with my two already and how full on our schedules for the kids are now and to add a 3rd? How can we afford that? One of the kids would have to sacrifice one of their activities just so we can afford the 3rd kid into something? (Swimming, kindygym, soccer, ect) and even though that’s do able then there is the rooms! One of my kids would have to share a room eventually! They may like it they may not. Then we don’t get the family discounts with two parents and two kids. Then I have to miss out on a little more one on one with the other two for the baby. Then I can’t half everything which is so easy atm! Then when I buy stuff I have to add another colour because my two are obsessed with (5) having blue and (1) having pink so sorry next baby will need a colour too and too and that’s so chaotic, but not if you get me?

And the biggest one was my son wouldn’t be my only son anymore or my daughter wouldn’t be my only daughter anymore and I just sank and cried and felt so upset and guilty as nobody else really wanted this baby but me? And here I am not ready or happy for it.

Couple of days later my period shows up after over two weeks late??? Pregnancy tests faded back to negative and I’m like………..relieved? Like I’m sad but relieved. Like what if one day my children ask for another sibling? I’ll just have to tell them I couldn’t make you guys sacrifice anymore! And I come from a family of 8 kids!!! I know there are lots of great things about having big families but I also know the down sides and I don’t think I could make it work for us. So I’ll forever want a baby #3 but never really need it.