I just turned 45. I have anxiety and put off blooming until this year. I have had a partner but moving out and becoming independent was not on a schedule that fit biology.

In August I had my IUD out and without trying, I became pregnant in the beginning of November. I miscarried shortly after.

AF returned week before last and my HCG is negative. I was sad from the miscarriage as I have a lot of regrets about time but it wasn’t devastating. Well… until a week ago when depression hit and my floor dropped out. A lot of very real relationship needs, fears, concerns woke up. I thought it was better. I think that the wake up was good until our anniversary. The day didn’t go as expected and instead of disappointed, I am spiraling. It is bad. I think unpacked what is waking up will be healthy but how do I deal? I am hating myself right now. I went from planning a wedding and suddenly a great sex life to fearing being around my SO and nothing happened to trigger this.

Is this some type of late onset postpartum depression? What is happening? Does anyone have any insight?