Anyone ever been completely terrified of labor? C section to be exact.

So I have two kids and with my first I was excited and clueless. With my second I was more nervous because I knew the process of the c section already, and now that I am pregnant with my third I am a mess. I keep having horrible anxiety about the thought of going into surgery once more and something happening to me or baby. This fear is destroying my happiness, I even feel some days upset that I'm pregnant and I start wishing I could not have the baby. ( I know horrible I'm trying here, don't come for me) in I am also am in panic mode because noone but my husband can be there with me. I've never been away from my kids for a couple of an hrs so that thought is already killing me. I'm barely 10 weeks and I'm no longer excited to be pregnant, I see baby things and I wanna just cry. I haven't told many people about the pregnancy because I don't want to hear the congrats because I'm just not excited. And I hate myself for feeling this way. My sister says she really thinks I'm depressed and idk. I just want to enjoy my life and I feel like I can't. So bottom line here I need to hear GOOD POSITIVE c section stories or anyone who went through this and overcame it?! Anyone who experienced depression during pregnancy!? I already talked to my doctor and he advised that he can help until 12 weeks so soon hopefully. But meanwhile I want to feel ok.