Hey mommas, so last June (2021) I caught my husband masterbating to females via online video chats. I thought this was the worst thing ever. I found out that he had been watching porn and masterbating to women. He said the video chats only happened 3x. Well 4 days after that - we found out we were pregnant. Well fast forward 8 months, And 2 weeks ago we were having a great day and night but then I got on his Reddit for something and saw he had an extra account. I went in It and It was NSFW and he had been messaging, sexting and sharing an extra snap chat to use with women…. I saw the messages… I saw pictures… I saw him saying he deleted pictures… He started again 10weeks prior… Well. I tried kicking him out and he wouldn’t leave. I just gave up and went to bed. Well 2 days later I found out a good friend passed away at 26 years old and a month before his 27 bday. Then found out a day later than my mother had cancer on her face… I didn’t manage my mental health well that week and then the following Saturday I woke up to my water breaking and my son came at 35 weeks on the dot and I blame my husband for my emotional damage and stressing me out.

I had hypermesis gravidum the entire pregnancy, dislocated/fractured rib and bad muscle and cartilage swelling. I thought everything was good between us… but I guess not…

He started therapy because he genuinely felt bad and also broke when I found It. He has been trying and been transparent. Supposedly it’s a behavioral issue and complex that started due to unlimited Internet and sexual access as a young man in middle school and puberty.

I want to make this work especially bc our son needs both of us and I come from a broken family…

I’m not looking for advice to leave him but advice to get through this and improve our marriage. Let me re-iterate he’s REALLY trying. He’s so sweet and tries hard to make me feel good but I keep falling back into a hole. I just can’t stop reverting back to my hatred for him. But when we are with our so. In the NICU I feel like we are a family.