Last week I was sad when my boyfriend didn’t meet me and had no remorse again. Left me with no response after I expressed how I have been feeling so alone and ghosted. Then, Saturday night I texted his “ex” gr bc I hadn’t heard from him and something felt even more wrong. I told her “Yes I am”. To all her questions that she asked me last year. If I was with him and having a relationship. I found out that he had been living a double life. This entire time, he convinced me and our job and mutual friends that she was crazy, clingy, obsessed and an EX girlfriend. The 8 months that we were together, he was still having a relationship with her.

He made himself to be this strong stable empathetic person. I found out by her that he is broke, has no job, has been supported financially and mentally by her all while having fun with me and my daughter. I could’ve gotten pregnant. We talked about marriage (he proposed with a ring that was actually hers). We were planning a future together all while he was still going back to her.

It hurts. My hearts hurts. My eyes hurt from crying so much over him. Crying over someone who has loved me so much this entire time but has had part of his heart obligated to someone else bc she financially supported him, when I wanted him to step up to be a man that took care of me instead. After she confronted him he didn’t want to talk. But now he’s always messaging her. Sweet talking his way back. He has not sent one text to me since last week. After I told him I wanted him to come see me. How can someone throughout our entire relationship who made me feel so insecure and dependent on him make me feel so worthless and used? No remorse. No empathy. He’s seeking her. Not me. I should be able to walk away so easily but I can’t. I feel like when we were having our joyful moments, I was with my best friend who I would be with forever. He took me and my daughter for granted and used us.

I just want the pain to go away. Sleepy, exhausted, time to sleep again and feel another day hoping to feel less of the burden he out on me and my daughter.