This sounds stupid. I feel stupid. BUT ..

I have been TTC FOR 4years. I was told last year the chances of me falling pregnant naturally are extremely slim and the only good chance I have is through <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. I have endometriosis and adenomiosis so I put <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> on hold until I can afford it and decided to have the surgery first to remove the endo but I’ve been waiting for a year and still not got a date.

My cycle is usually 24-28 days but there have been a few times (3/4) that my cycle has gone to 29days and twice my cycle went to 30days but they were after I had surgery so I put it down to that. My periods usually last 4 days.

Earlier this month I started spotting and I’ve never spotted before so I was a bit surprised jumped on the app thinking I must be getting my period and i was due to ovulate in 4 days the next day nothing and then for the next 2 days very very light spotting so I put that down to me ovulating as you can spot when you ovulate. Now part of my fertility issue is my ovulation my levels have been 26% and 29.8% so I’m thinking maybe I was spotting because my ovulation was hitting or higher than 30%.

I did the baby dance and then put it to the back of my mind fully believing I can’t get pregnant unless I have <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a>. I’ve given up all hope falling naturally. But then last week my stomach was extremely swollen/bloated and my hips aches my stomach also felt like it was covered in a bruise and someone was constantly pushing against the bruise at the time I just thought it’s my endo getting worse and that’s why it’s sore (but it wasn’t my usual endo stomach pain) again put it to the back of my mind. Up to this point I didn’t have any hope just noticed these things that were different and strange.

But I was due on my period on Monday 14th (Valentine’s Day) it hasn’t come which I also didn’t read too much into because although I am usually regular there are times when I’m a day or 2 late/early. I’m now 4 days late to me that’s a missed period?

I noticed on Tuesday that I was constantly needing the loo which never happens and it did make me stop in the afternoon and question why I needed to pee so much! I have had sore nipples for the last week but just the nipples which again is another symptom I’ve never had before. I did get a very sharp pain in my stomach on the Sunday/Monday that I thought was a period cramp/sign but it wasn’t so could that have been implantation? I also took a test yesterday (Wednesday) but it was a cheap one I took after 6pm after drinking lots so maybe it was the wrong time to do it but I just needed something to give me an answer. It was negative as I expected. So then it was the waiting game for my period which typically when I do a test af tends to arrive a few hours later, my body likes to play with my emotions. So last night I start getting cramps 2/3 hours after taking the test but then they stopped and that was it which is also umiak for me. Woke up today no period walking to pick up my stepson from school and I thought I’d felt my period start. Get home and check no nothing. My belly button area is so tender.

I don’t know if I should be expecting my period or the BFP but right now I want an answer preferably the BFP but I need to get off this emotional rollercoaster.

On top of all this my cousin had her baby just under 2 weeks ago and I went to visit Tuesday, so maybe I’ve got in my head because of her having her baby and me wanting it so badly?

What do I do? Do I take another more expensive pink dye test (test done yesterday was cheap blue dye)? Do I leave it another week to see if af is coming and she’s just late or what I already feel like I could cry and throw up but is that just because I’m emotional. I’m so lost on what do to? I want to be hopeful but i have been for 4 years and it hurts. Please help me😭