I have always been a curvy girl with a higher BMI than expected for my height (5’1) and age. Before getting pregnant I struggled with a binge eating disorder, constantly trying to lose weight despite many many many failed attempts.

My husband and I decided that I should get to a healthier BMI before getting pregnant, but God had other plans! We are excited to welcome our first baby come July— but something is bugging me, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling.

My BMI is currently at 32.4. Not TOO terrible, right? During the first trimester of my pregnancy I ended up LOOSING weight (a total of 10 pounds!) and saw a number on the scale that I haven’t seen since high school. Then my second trimester hit, and I gained back 6 of the 10 I lost. Now whenever I eat a meat I feel this…GUILT. Obviously I know gaining weight is absolutely normal, and I’m not gaining it at a rapid or dangerous rate, but the fact that I’m gaining is sending me into a depressive sort of state, and it’s awful.

I feel as though whenever I complain about my weight gain or body it comes off as selfish— “how could you hate the way you look when you have a baby growing inside of you! You need to eat!” It’s eating me alive.

Does anyone have any advise? Can anyone relate? I feel alone in this because all the women I’ve known to be pregnant were happy, healthy and unashamed of the way they looked.