just need some reassurance plz read!

So i am fairly young almost 18, and i’ve always dreamed of being a mum and I believe that if you believe you are ready for a baby you are. I also believe that babies are “sent” when someone needs something to live for. Anyways, me and my boyfriend had a little accident a few months back and i didn’t get a period. We were 100% sure i was pregnant but it was too early to show up on tests still. A week or so later still no period but abnormal cramps and weird blood clots. Then another week went by and i got my period. Is it bad that despite being very anxious and worried about me potentially being pregnant, that i was kind of disappointed i wasn’t.. i need to get it off my chest. I was disappointed i wasn’t pregnant. for a multitude of reasons. i know i’m young and all that. i just want my experience to be validated. Not alone in this. Thanks for reading. OKAY general update after reading comments. I didn’t mean that babies save lives or that a parent who lives for their child is incapable of taking care of them selves I MEANT that babies often give a new meaning to a persons life. So before you say i need therapy or help read the whole thing and try to understand from my perspective thanks