I found out I was pregnant on Jan 30th. My last period was December 21st 2021. A couple days later I had brown spotting when I wiped and what I would describe as a belly ache. My back was sore and something didn’t feel right. I’ve had 3 miscarriages before and I was certain I was losing the baby. I had an appointment that Tuesday and was just laying low over the weekend. My mothers birthday was on the 5th and last year I surprised her with my miracle pregnancy that I lost in April. This year I thought I was losing another baby. I didn’t tell her. I sat through a birthday party and pretended my world wasn’t crumbling.

I randomly got an appointment with a wonderful OBGYN. My current Dr. I’ve never met and he is currently out of office until late September 2022. She saw a sack but no baby. Made me another ultrasound for later that week to see if something was developing. Had me do blood work (progesterone levels etc and HCG). I explained to her I knew the drill and I understood I was losing the baby or it wasn’t developing. She was optimistic and told me not to lose hope yet. She’s seen miracles happen. I was moved by how kind she was to me. This was new for me.

I repeated my HCG blood work and when I opened my email expecting to see a decline only to see it had in fact doubled. Also in my blood work was my A1C it was way too high. I immediately was put on 1500 metformin and now. I am on a strict diet. I got a referral to a endocrinologist who upped my thyroid dosage. I asked her why they didn’t do that before and she was silent. Oh that’s right. I had no dr advocating for me last time or anytime for that matter.

Next ultrasound My lovely Dr. confirmed it was not a blighted ovum or ectopic. She saw (barely a yolk sack) the only problem was I was dating 2 weeks behind. At the end of the appointment I thanked her for just being nice to me. I explained I’ve never seen a OBGYN twice before so this was a first for me. She looked a little sad and said she looked through my file ( Been at Kaiser for 25 years) and said she had never seen that before in her career, she said my Current OB was out till Sept and if I wanted she could be my Dr. I said of course!! I’ve never even met him so it was super easy.

Next ultrasound 2 days later the nurse practitioner I saw met with my Dr before she saw me. I could tell she told her to be nice to me. She was able to confirm a yolk sac. That was a Thursday. My baby is a fighter so I started to pray. I stopped trying to figure out when I’d have the miscarriage and just prayed. 4 days later different Dr. She was cold and horrible. Started talking about miscarriage before examining me. my partner and I just flinched at her abruptness. My poor partner was terrified and couldn’t look at the screen. As soon as it showed up I knew it was good news. It looked bigger and starting to resemble something. The Dr was quiet so he thought the worst and when I looked over he had tears in his eyes. I told him it was ok and the Dr finally chimed in.

the ultrasound showed a fetal pole no heartbeat but she wasn’t worried because baby measured 6w 2 days and baby was progressing fine but still 2 weeks early. Which means I ovulated 2 weeks late and she assured me it happens. My 8 week scan is next Monday. She didn’t hesitate to tell me if there is no heartbeat at that scan it would be a miscarriage. I smiled at her and made a mental note of her name as I will never see her again. Calmed my partner down by giving him the picture of our baby.

It’s been such a wild ride so far and I feel so connected to my baby now. So connected that I am starting to believe I am going to have a baby. Being vulnerable is terrifying. I feel physically better now that my blood sugar is under control. No more back ache and excessive thirst. If I make it past the 8 week appointment it’s the dreaded NIPT next. I just keep telling myself one foot in front of the other. I don’t know if anyone will even see this but I just felt the need to put it to paper. To take what is inside and release it to a community of women who know exactly how I feel.

After I lost my son last April I did a fertility reading with someone called Bryana she is an energy reader and I saw a lot of post about her on a different pregnancy Ap. She told me I would have a little girl with dark hair and eyes and important dates would be May\Sept. something she kept referencing was twins 👯‍♀️ either I was going to have twins or my daughter would. She also mentioned it could be Irish twins. Well my new due date is Oct 15th 2022. My sons due date was Oct 15th 2021. It may be silly but this reading is what’s getting me through everything. I did another reading in Sept 2021 with the famous psychic Thomas John, he has a couple tv shows (totally recommend watching) Well I asked when will I give birth and he said within 6-12months.

Hope has sprung and is growing inside of me.

I don’t know what the future holds for me or my baby but what I do know is

What is meant to be will be. ❤️