I want to be a mother so badly. I want the excitement of seeing the two lines and everything that comes with it. I have been with my so for a long time (about 7 years)we were talking about our childhoods and he brought up having kids basically says something like when we have kids they will go to camp which we both agreed is something we want our future kids to do. Problem is I feel like I'll be 30 by the time we start trying. And I know that's not a bad thing or anything to be ashamed of just not something I imagined for myself. If you asked me at 18 if I would have kids by now i would have said yes. But my so says he isn't ready, I support him and I understand that but I still feel the ache in my heart. I still think we'll maybe this month I'll wind up pregnant since we aren't technically trying but not preventing, we are using the pull out method and i know we should use condoms if we don't want kids but 🤷‍♀️ shit happens. I just want this baby fever to leave. I want to cry every day becuase I just feel like i will never be a parent. I have two nephews who I love but I'm jealous of my sister. I just don't know when he will be ready. He always tells me another couple years and we will try for a baby but that never happens. Just gets pushed back even more. I feel defeated before I even Try for a baby and i hate feeling this way. He comes home from work and asks me what's wrong and I just can't bring myself to say anything bc I know he will just say I'm not ready and i in no way want to push or force him to want to have a baby when he's not ready. I'm just conflicted in my emotions. If you read this thanks for reading my rant I just needed to vent somewhere as I have no where else to vent.