In December my husband 29, and I 28 decided to adopt 2 guinea pigs as pets for our daughter 4. She had been begging for a pet for the past 2 years since our dog died and she's never gotten over it.

Our family was immediately in love with our new family members. My MIL was a big advocate for us getting the guinea pigs. She did research on where to get them, breeds and even purchased a top-off the line habitat and food.

Some background on our relationship. She has 2 sons both grown. Because of her somewhat difficult personality, her sons have contact with her but they aren't warm or affectionate by any means. They rarely have personable conversations with each other or with her. Since H and I have been together, 9 yes and married for 6 years, ive had a good relationship with my mil. Ive been patient with her abrasive ways as she's never crossed a line with me before but has come close a few times.  Through me, she's been able to have a typical grandmother role with our daughter, H and myself.

Over the next few weeks after getting used to the gunea pigs, Hs health rapidly declined. We did get covid and recovered but his breathing kept getting worse. By February it got to the point he could barely breath in his own house. If he picked up the guinea pigs he would get hives. It was clear that he was allergic.  But he was in denile and very very stubborn.

One day his mil visited and noticed his how bad his reaction was. She suddenly suddenly remembered that when he was a you child they had gunea pigs that had to be rehomed because my husband tested severely allergic to them! But would she talk to her son about it? No only to me. She began applying  alot of pressure on me to rehome them. I agreed that they needed. New home but I had already come to that conclusion on my own and had already begun contacting potential friends and families who might be intersted in adopting them from us. It was extremely stressful as I had a full load from work and other personal things and alot of guilt about adding pets to our family that we wernt able to keep. To me pets are a very serious commitment.

A night or two after her visiting, I called her and asked her if his brother 30+, who lives in an apartment for rent that she co signs would be able to take them. She said hard no because they don't allow pets and she can't be sure her my bil isn't allergic to them aswell. I said fine and the conversation ended well enough. 

A few minutes after the conversation ended, she texted that I needed to prioritize my husband health and just 'rehome them' I asked if she had any solutions and specifically HOW? I was trying to find the least traumatizing route for my daughter, where she could still visit when she missed them. By text my mil responded that it would be a more traumatic if her dad, H, died of an allergic reaction. Because she knew someone who need die from an asthma attack. My only response, "how could you say that to me.??"

Her comment shocked me and i was very hurt. I hystericaly cried and called and told my H. He was upset called his mom and said she was wrong. She doesn't understand that the way she says things hurts other people. This Commeny was espically hurtful because she knows that in my past my ex bf c*s* after we broke up and his mom blammed me. I'm so tired ot mothers blaming me for their sons choices and diverting responsibility from the sons to the sons spouses/ partners.

When H came back from work, we had a serious conversation about how I noticed his health was in decline and had been looking for new families, and it was time that he acknowledge his allergy was a big problem, help me find a few family and deal with his mother.  We got on the same page.

The next day I contacted the parents of my daughter's friends and they understood our emergency and they were willing to take them in that evening. They've been there for weeks now and it is a very good match.  Moving the guneapigs wasn't a big deal, once we found the right family it was quick and easy and my daughter did well because she was involved in the process and visits them often.

My mil has never apologized. She's started conversations on other subjects and I've responded politely but I've not been as friendly as in the past. I haven't initiated any conversations or accepted her offer to bring over food, or items she things we need. I've just said no thankyou. 

On my dad's birthday we had a big family dinner. She was invited and I got away with very little conversation with her. Today was her birthday. I didn't acknowledge it but encouraged my daughter to make a card and she and my H picked out flowers and visited her. She asked if I was mad at her and my H said yes. She maintains she was right and doesn't feel the need to apologize. 

My position is she made a comment that was very hurtful. It was unnecessary because I was already working towards rehoming them just in the way was as gentle as possible for my daughter.  My mil is used to walking over people and later pretending everything is ok, nothing happened. I'm not letting her do that to me. We recently fou d out I'm pregnant.. we had a big dinner with my family and extended ded family and told them in person. I allowed my husband to tell his mom anyways he wants and he chose to just text her.  My family thinks I'm being petty.

I just feel that it takes acknowledgement on her part for us to repair our relationship ship. I refuse and am not good about putting on a fake smile just to appease people. I have 0 issue having a conversation with her about this but she won't.

I feel like I'm simply setting a precedent for how I want to be treated in the future.  I'm very comfortable with our amount of contact right now. It liberating that I don't have to stress about her latest issues on a routine basis. She's a very dramatic person. Her contact with our family is now 100% through her son. I'm fine with that. AITA?