Sooo, I need to lose almost 100 pounds. I've honestly been fat my whole life, and I've always wanted to lose the weight and be healthy, but for a long time I've simply lacked the motivation to keep up with it. Every time I try to lose weight, I put my all into it and end up somehow gaining weight but still always feeling like I'm starving, and always hurting from over exerting myself trying to work the fat off, so I give up. I believe that's basically how I've gotten so big. I've talked to my doctors for years, and all they've ever done for me is tell me to diet and exercise (yeah, no shit, lady) and refer me to a dietician, who would basically do nothing but tell me how many calories are in different food items and show me the food pyramid. I haven't found a single doctor that's had any interest in actually helping me, so it seems I have to do this all on my own. I don't even know where to start. I don't eat fast food, I count my calories, I drink more water, I exercise every day and push myself but try not to go too hard on myself, just to look at the scale and see that instead of losing anything, I'm gaining weight. It's infuriating and discouraging. Why is this happening and what do I even do about it? I literally cry every single day because I don't even feel healthier. I feel like shit if I'm being honest. I feel even more bloated than I did when I wasn't dieting. I ask myself constantly, what's the point when nothing is working? It's been a constant struggle for me. I just wish I was never fat so I wouldn't be going through this now. I can't even put into words how awful it feels to be pushing myself so hard and get no results, to have to look in the mirror and hate how I look, and then see women who are skinny, healthy and so effortlessly beautiful. It's not fair. I've almost gotten to a point where I don't even want to eat anymore because I feel like if I just force my body to burn the fat then that's the only way I'll get anywhere. Sometimes when my stomach is growling and I start getting hunger pains, I catch myself thinking that it's a good thing and I should let it go on for as long as I can stand it so that I don't take in any more calories. I know it's not healthy but I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry for the rant, I'm just so frustrated. I'll take all the advice I can get because absolutely nothing that I've tried has ever worked for me. Thanks in advance.