Is anyone else overdue and fed up?

My due date was April 6th, so today I am 40w5d, with no sign whatsoever of this baby making an appearance... No contractions, no bloody show, ... Nothing.

Yes, I know that technically anything before 42 weeks isn't overdue, but this last month has been excruciating and I am so so so over being pregnant.

I'm a childhood sexual abuse survivor, so this pregnancy in itself has been rough on me, and even though I know it's not rational, still being pregnant feels like a punishment.

I did a hypnobirthing course, have planned for a midwife water delivery (so without obgyn and with a physical barrier from the bath to not have as la y people around me and touching me), ... I don't want an epidural because I feel like that might be triggering some stuff from the past (not being able to move around and stuff). And it feels like all this preparation and things I did to make the delivery more ok with my traumatic past, are now going down the drain, since I might have to get an induction. I honestly feel exhausted and defeated at this point.

Furthermore, and this may not be popular, I feel like I am starting to resent this kid for not wanting to come out. My body feels like it's betraying me, for not just being able to have a baby like I should. And don't even get me started on the non stop questions if the baby is here yet, and how I'm waiting for something great to arrive so it's not that bad.

Sorry for the long post, I just need to vent to someone who might hopefully understand :(