Masterbation and boyfriend

So I just wanted to reach out to you guys about this because I myself don’t understand and want to hear some feedback and maybe I can better understand myself.

Anyway so idk why but I have such a weird stance on my boyfriend masterbating/watching porn. Like it doesn’t bother me in the sense of I don’t want to control him and it’s not me trying to take that away as if I’m jealous or anything idk. But at the same time it kinda does bother me. Like the only reason I can try and come up with for being bothered but not is because I know there are a lot of men out there who have a bad relationship with porn and masterbsting so maybe that’s why. Or maybe without realizing it I’m just insecure. I honestly don’t know. Like I talked to my bf about it and early when we were dating he told me that he masterbated here and there. I told him how I have this weird feeling about it and he hasn’t since. And I feel bad like I don’t want to hold him back or control that because I wouldn’t want him telling me what to do or not do when masterbating. So I don’t actively try to not let him do it it’s just because I express to him it makes me feel weird so he doesn’t to not hurts my feelings or anything. Another reason maybe I feel this way if because growing up I would masterbate and I always felt so gross and bad after because it felt like something I shouldn’t do. Even though no one really forced me to have that mindset. But yeah idk I just don’t want my bf to masterbate all the time or like a lot because I’m like uhhh i know I stay making you cum so i don’t see a need to materbate often. Not that he would anyway.

Sorry this is so long guys but this something that bothers me because i want to have a healthy mindset and don’t want to have this affect my relationship. (Ps my bf is an angel and he doesn’t even care to masterbate often he’s just like sometimes it can be a relief for males when it’s either been a while or it physically just is uncomfortable when hard and stuff. He doesn’t ask me to masterbate and he’s not upset at me for any of my feeling) just trying to understand myself.