I just wish I had better friends. For the past several months all I get when I text different “friends” of mine is either no reply at all, or “oh sorry I’ve been super busy lately” or “oops sorry I’m texting you back so much later. I suck at replying lol”. Like to a extent, I get they could be busy since a lot of my friends either work or are in college or they’re in college and are working and I know those can take up a lot of time and are tiring, but every time I try to talk to one of my friends that’s the response I get and I just get so sick and tired of it! And I’m ALWAYS the one reaching out to just have a normal “how have you been” conversation because months can go by without talking to all my friends basically, but it takes days or even months for them to get back to me. Or, they actually start a conversation with me but suddenly they’re gone and the conversation has dropped off. Like a while ago I was talking with a friend(they reached out to me) and asked how I was doing and that same day I found out my uncle had passed away and told them I wasn’t doing great because of that and I legit got ghosted. No “oh I’m so sorry for your lost” NOTHING. Like that shit hurts so bad. I just had my uncle die and I get no response and that was all the way back a month ago. And what hurts so badly is I can see they read that specific text message. I can see most of my friends read the messages I send but get no reply back. It just hurts and is so tiring and frustrating and I wish I had better friends that wouldn’t just leave me hanging, or not put effort in the friendship, or give me BS excuses ALL THE TIME! And before anyone tries to say “they really could busy you should be patient”, I am patient with them, but there are only so many times you can be patient with someone and what they say and their actions before you get sick of what they do. I even have messaged some “friends” while I’ve seen them active on Instagram just hoping from some reply from them either on the app or just regular messaging since they’re on their phone and possibly aren’t busy(which I know this is kind of weird behavior, but I get desperate because I want some type of interaction with them).

But again, I see they have literally looked at my message(s) but get no reply. Just nothing. And someone might say like “maybe they just don’t want to be friends with you because of how you act”, I never act badly to these friends. I’ve always been there for them during they’re hard times to be their shoulder to cry on, I’m always the person my friends go to for advice, for comfort in different situations, or to vent their frustrations to me. I just give and hardly ever take because they don’t really let me do those things back. So I don’t think it’s a me issue.

I’m grateful they did trust me in those different situations and I could be a person like that for them, but it hurts because I rarely ever get to be able to do the same thing in the same situations they were possibly in months prior and aren’t there for me to give me advice or comfort(in a way) or I don’t feel like I can even try to talk to them about something because I’ll probably get ghosted again.

I just wish I had better friends that were actually there for me in some way and are actively being my friend or at least actively still trying to be my friend and keep a friendship going.

This is just a rant because I’m sick and tired of it all but above all else, I’m really hurt too by it all too. And I honestly just needed to get it all off my chest.