Feeling hopeless and distraught...

I'm 32 years old and have been ttc since Oct 2014. We have gotten pregnant at least 3 times (possibly a 4th time that I could not confirm before I started to bleed) since February 2015. 8 days after positive pregnancy test in February, I lost baby #1. Waited a month and went back to the doctor to find out miscarriage never completed on its own. I had a D+C in April. Then waited another month. I think I may have been pregnant late June, but that's the one I can't confirm. Tried opks for the first time in August and got pregnant right away. 3 days after positive pregnancy test, I miscarried again September 2nd. I gave myself a month off. Then in November, threw caution to the wind. I got a positive pregnancy test November 29th. HCG next day was 30. 2 days later, it was 109. So, although low, it was rising. This is the farthest I have made it. Had horrible cramping and back pain on the 17th along with some spotting. I went to the doc and had an ultrasound. Although I should be 6-7 weeks, they could only see a gestational sac and maybe a yolk sac. They said maybe I got my days messed up, but I didn't. HCG was 1089, meaning it increased, but not like it was supposed to. Yesterday, I had bright red blood and tissue. They are doing an ultrasound on Wednesday to confirm, but told me that I am probably miscarrying again. This is so heart breaking. I'm im pain physically and just don't know how to keep dealing with this feeling of loss...I just needed to put this out there to someone who could understand me. I am holding onto the tiniest glimmer of hope, but I want to be realistic....