Who has a good cramp remedy?

I'm sitting here on my second dose of Tylenol, with a Thermacare heat wrap on, drinking Bourbon(don't judge lol! It was supposed to be for eggnog...., but u don't feel very damn festive) and I'm still in so much pain from cramps that I feel like I'm about to throw up & crap my pants at the same time. I'm sorry I know that's TMI but I swear they are never this bad, and if anyone does/knows of anything else that might help I'm ready to do just about anything. God I wish this was a legal marijuana state!!!!!