TW: Sexual Assault

My ex and I broke up over a year ago, I love him deeply and the break up was messy so I tried not to think about what I had lost but it was a toxic relationship to say the least, on both sides I'll admit but in recent months I have been trying to work through it all and I've been thinking about our sexual encounters during our time together, more often than not, he used to guilt trip me into doing things when I wasnt in the mood by saying that he "knew I didn't love him" and that he knew "we were distancing", he would say that I was making his mental health worse because I "was now making him pent up sexually", sometimes he would use my mental health issues against me and my past by saying I was pushing him away and taking out my issues on him by not wanting to touch him or be touched, I hated it, often I'd try to get out of it but would be so scared of the atmosphere that would follow if I didn't go along with it that I would give in and then feel awful after, I'm still repulsed by myself for it. I'm humiliated and ashamed and I dont know what to do, was it sexual manipulation or assault or am I just making a mountain out of a mole hill?