I beat the crap out of my man

He is not the first guy to say something to me about it.

When I sleep, I roll around and kick and hit like crazy if you touch me.

I’m wondering what I can do about that?

Last night for example I was asleep with my arms up above my head, and my man went to roll over and put his hand on my stomach. I flinched and elbowed him extremely hard in the face. He said I hit him so hard he sat there for 10 mins holding his face and that as someone who’s been taught martial arts his entire life that I nearly took him out better than any man he’s ever fought in training. And I don’t remember a thing.

NEVER in my waking life have I ever hit a partner not even on accident.

This has been a problem in every relationship, and I do not know what to do about it. I have kicked, punched, and elbowed my exes in my sleep. He’s not upset about it like he knows I was sound asleep and it wasn’t a conscious decision. Every guy I’ve ever been with has never had an actual sincere issue with it, they just learned to not touch me while I sleep.

I still find it completely unacceptable though.

So then, how on earth do I stop it? Sleep train myself?

Should I comatose myself with Benadryl so that I don’t ABUSE my partner in my sleep? I talked to him about it and he told me it seems like a reflex.

When I am sleeping, if I get touched, I flinch and flip out and hit. And it doesn’t seem like I just moved too fast and wasn’t aware that you were there. I will actually hit you extremely hard.

I have a past with childhood physical abuse. I don’t even know if that’s even relevant. But maybe I’m just extremely defensive in my sleep because of that? Because sleep is a vulnerable state. So maybe i subconsciously try to protect myself while asleep?

Can anyone help me figure out what to do?

I’m sorry if I some “extra.” But this isn’t okay to me. If it were reversed and my man hit me in his sleep i would not even sleep next to him. I just have never known what to do about it because It’s not a conscious thing.

I am just now starting to accept that something may have happened to me while I was sleeping when I was young. 😟 with just the fact that I flinch at a touch😔