Not okay

I’ve been severely depressed lately. Husband out of town for work. He will be gone for months. I have a baby and toddler to care for by myself. My toddler has been throwing tantrums like crazy. My baby screams all the time. On top of depression, I am severely over stimulated. The littlest sound sends me over the edge. I get no breaks. Lately my mental health has been getting worse. I’m having intrusive thoughts constantly. Thoughts of “these kids are better off without me” “I want to run away” “I don’t want to live anymore”. I don’t believe I’d ever act on those thoughts but they are making my depression worse. I need help and want to talk to someone but how do you tell someone about these thoughts as a mom? I don’t want to tell my husband because he has enough on his plate and don’t want him to worry about me. I’ve never been good at opening up because growing up I was always shut down or told that I’m just looking for a reason to cry. No one ever took my feelings seriously.