Why am I so tragically pathetic🤦🏽‍♀️

I literally lost my virginity almost two years ago … and this year I finally started rly talking to people and I’ve had wayyy better experiences and dated around and I’ve grown into the person I’ve always wanted to be and I work so hard… I didn’t even date this guy we were just close friends and yet sometimes I just cry cause I don’t understand what I did for him to just never want to speak to me again… like is that all he ever wanted from me? Did he have a bad time? Did my ex best friend tell him something terrible abt me? All I can do is assume and I try everything not to think abt him but everything reminds me of him and I’m so embarrassed to admit that to anyone… so I thought I would just go on here… I wish I could just ask him but I’m scared he unsaved my # or what if he thinks I’m weird or crazy…. But it just hurt my feelings so much I just want to know the truth so bad… and I know the truth is probably worse than me not knowing at all. Does anyone have any tips like I go out with my friends, I go on dates, I go to the gym, I’ve picked up new hobbies… like why am I not over this piece of shit I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!! He lives in my mind RENT FREE!! Like whyyyyyy