What is going on with my toddler!?

Question

I’m so worried about my three year old daughter. 
She has always been the most outgoing, bold, bubbly little girl. She would go up to anyone and everyone to talk, say hi, or try to play. Quite literally would try to hug strangers on a daily basis. Dance and sing in public spaces. Run up and hug all of my family members and talk their ear off. Etc. 
For the last 4 months or so, her temperament and personality has completely changed. We are super close with my side of the family and see them almost daily, and suddenly she wants nothing to do with them and hides behind me or angry screams at them. She’s been going to dance class for over a year and now all of a sudden she hides behind me and says she feels shy or scared to go play or talk with her dance class friends. Anytime we go out anywhere she cries and asks me to go home. It’s literally like a flip switched and my daughter is a new person. 
I’ve been thinking about it constantly and can not pin point any big change or event that would have happened to cause this social anxiety. Nothing traumatic that I can think of. I’m at a loss. 
Is this a normal phase for a three year old? Should I go to a child psychiatrist or behavioral therapist? My husband insists that this is normal, but I’m worried. Keep in mind my husband works 50+ hours a week so he doesn’t see most of it personally. I’m mostly worried because it is such a big switch from the way she interacted with others from before. 
I will say that I’ve considered the possibility of autism, but she doesn’t line up with all of the traditional symptoms. She makes eye contact, and is extremely ahead of her age verbally. 
My concerns include : 
Lining up toys or items
Tippy toe walking 
Does not like to be dirty or touch things that are sticky or dirty 
Fixates on certain subjects, toys, or shows
Picky eater 
Idk, I’m at a loss and wondering if her sudden behavior is a normal phase that you have experienced with your toddlers, or if I should be concerned and seek professional help
*also she doesn’t go to daycare

Answer

It never hurts to see a doctor , but I’d be worried a very sudden change was due to someone doing something to her

Answer

I’m really not trying to worry you at all, but I went through a similar phase when I was about the same age because I was being molested. My mom could not figure out why and still does not know to this day, but when it started happening I wanted to be with her all the time so I could feel safe and I didn’t know how to tell her what was happening. I stopped hanging out with friends and wanting to do sleep overs or be near or left alone with family members. It didn’t matter who I just wanted to be with her. She would constantly ask what was up with me and why I was so clingy and I just couldn’t feel comfortable enough to tell her. 
I hope it’s just a phase and not what I went through but everything you described just took me back to that…Best of luck. 💕

Answer

Talking to a doctor wouldn’t hurt at all. Try talking to her more as well. You never know what happens when your not around your little one

Answer

I really appreciate all of the input everyone!! I will say, I really don’t think it is sexual abuse because she is never alone with anyone other than my mom and I’m confident that isn’t going on with her. I’m always with her when she’s around anyone else. 
I did talk to my doctor and she suggested play therapy with a child psychologist so I’ve made an appointment. She said she doesn’t typically like to diagnose a child with autism or adhd etc at this age because a lot of symptoms are hard to pin point as an actual symptom or normal developmental behavior, especially with girls. I’m not sure if I’ll get a second opinion on that just yet. 
Again, I really appreciate all of your responses!!!

Answer

I really hate to put this out there, but that kind of behavior change is characteristic of sexual abuse. Does she show fear or anger toward any specific family member more than others? This kind of temperament change doesn’t really line up with autism at her age

Answer

I will say, females tend to be more social than males with autism so it can be harder to diagnose. I did a whole training on the difference for work. That being said it can be many things. I would definitely see a doc(:

Answer

I say this with respect but a lot of your "concerns" are actually all common traits/ behaviour for someone autistic whereas some of what you listed as proof she isn't...isn't always the case. Some autistic people can make eye contact and can be at a higher stage of development. I myself was 2 years ahead of my age development mentally (physically not so much but that's because of another condition) and I'm on the spectrum 🤷‍♀️ but we can "tippy toewalk" be pick eaters (textures and colours can put us off as much as taste/ smell/ sight). We can fixate on things etc. I'm NOT saying it is autism but I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it based on eye contact etc (qnd I say this as I was diagnosed at 15 but no one saw it because"she looks at people and is chatty and smart").
The other thing I would advise, and I really pray I'm so completely wrong and just overly alert to this kind of thing, is to see if she reacts to particular people because someone couldve...done something. Sudden personality changes, disinterest in activities and sudden aversion to people she once had no issue with can be signs of abuse and again I'm NOT saying this to scare you nor am I saying it IS that there's other possibilities too but it's something to acknowledge if other lines of thinking aren't getting anywhere

Answer

To a three year old the world can be a scary place. Especially with Covid and stranger danger and all the other scary things in the world. When she feels that way, remind her that you’re there for her and she is safe and secure. Don’t make a big deal about her being shy. It’s OK to be shy. Remind the people around you to not take it personally and to give her space when she needs it. Talk to her and ask her if there is anything that makes her feel unsafe. I do agree with the person who mentioned fighting around kids. Fighting can make kids feel really unsafe. As well as any type of abuse. And of course it never hurts to take her to the doctor and see what they recommend.

Answer

I remember being super shy as a child. I was happy and positive but I was so nervous in front of people. I don't remember when I started feeling this way. Honestly I have worked on my mental health as an adult. My shy feelings came from felling insecure. My parents fought alot. They were in their room usually but I knew. And my dad was crazy so I'm not saying that's happening with your marriage. Does your family argue around each other alot? Or was there a big fight between 2 family members recently? Just a thought. I don't think speaking with a therapist is ever a bad idea. So that would be my suggestion. Best wishes!

Answer

Sounds normal to me! Both my nephews went through a shy phase! Even with family they see all the time!

What is going on with my toddler!?

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