This will probably be a long message, sorry in advance, but I need to vent. I had my 8week ultrasound this week, it is in fact my second ultrasound. For the first one I went alone but this time my partner came with me. It hasn’t been easy for him accepting this pregnancy as it was unplanned. But I thought he was getting there and that the ultrasound would help. The baby was bigger and we could hear the heartbeat. I felt my heart was so full of happiness at that moment. Then he didn’t say much, and at some point after he said he still feels the same, that this wouldn’t be his choice (he wanted me to get an abortion at first but I didn’t because I know I can do this and I know I couldn’t go through that psychologically)

I’ve told him he isn’t obliged to stick around if this is not the life he wants. I’m very aware of what that may entail, but it’s been so hard for me to even be happy or excited about it because I know he still doesn’t want it. Today we talked again and he literally said he’s not going to sacrifice his career over anything else, that he has so much to give and he’s not sacrificing that. I said I’m not asking for that, that I will support his career as I’ve been doing. But that I also need a partner that will be there for me and the baby, to also support us, and support my career. Just to say it short he said that It’s my decision and I have to assume the consequences. So if I have a work trip he won’t assume it nor take the responsibility, that he would never bail on family but that this is not what he wants. How is that being a parent? I love him but right now I honestly am suffering so much, I am sad and mad at the same time, thinking I was with a person that was more than this. We’ve known for almost a month now, and he just doesn’t want to change his attitude. Today I can’t stand being in the same room as him, because I am mad and disappointed, I thought he was better than this. I know this can be all so overwhelming, it has been so for me too, but I know I deserve better than this, I’ve said he can walk out if he wants to and he just doesn’t say anything. We’re not kids, he’s almost 40. I know I can deal with almost anything in life, but I don’t know if I want to deal with someone who doesn’t want this baby, and sticks around only because of his values, but doesn’t act the right way. I’ve never felt this lonely. I haven’t been able to tell anyone aside a friend that lives in another country, because I don’t know how to process his feelings about the baby. I don’t know who he is anymore. I’m just so lost, and I’ve been feeling so sick. I don’t know what to do. Am I being dramatic ? I’ve talked to him, and sometimes I feel he’s there for me, but I can barely talk about the baby without him getting defensive or awkward about it. Something inside tells me to get out, and another part is trying to be patient and hope he changes his mind. We have a friend that is also pregnant, and we were all together the other day and her partner was so excited when he was talking about her pregnancy. I just felt like breaking down and crying. I wish I had that, I wish I didn’t feel all this rejection.